Oscar Buzz

Baby Kangaroo just posted a fun little competition of sorts on his blog. He's suggesting that participants read up on the ongoing Oscar (Academy Awards if you prefer) buzz and post their own predictions. Winner is paid about $20 from each loser.

Not a bad pot (depending on the number of people who join in) for doing something you're bound to do in your own head anyway!

Bum Foot Update and Other Stories

Doc says the cast should come off in about 4 weeks, which is a surprisingly shorter period than I anticipated.

Yay for positive thinking :)

I think I spent a grand total of ten minutes at my desk today. I had a 14 hour lunch break, followed by a 7 hour gossip session with all the women at work. Then Mr. Boss Man calls at 4:15 (which is early by his standards!) and says he wants a graph of XYZ and a bunch of other things.

That took me the ten minutes referred to above. Then I went home.

He calls again at 7:55pm asking for more stuff. Lucky for him I felt so guilty for not doing ANYTHING all day that I didn't mind working from home this evening.

He really must do a praise his god dance because that god saved his ass from a major whooping with my bright yellow cast as the main weapon, assisted by side-swiping using my crutches. They'll be the right-left punches to my cast's roundhouse kick. Chuckie would be proud.

Then I would have called upon my personal fire-breathing dragon to burn him to the ground like the Egyptian Parliament is burning as I type this. So sad. That was one of the few remaining beautiful buildings in Cairo. Of course, there is no way we'll ever know what happened because the authorities will claim it was an electrical malfunction of some sort. Some things never change.

On a happier note (which is how I like to end posts to give you reasons to smile) Roonies passed part two of her CFA! ALL HAIL ROONIES, QUEEN OF THE FINANCE GERMS. Blah, blah, Hooray everybody.

More Badas and Bings

"Dell: Nes, look! It’s the Golden Compass! (It was some crap toy in the Cheerios box).
Nesticleez: *investigates...tries to open* Sweet...why doesn’t it open?
Dell: It’s a compass not a locket, you idiot.
Nesticleez: Oh...

Cue their mom laughing hysterically in the background."

We need to get these people a reality show.

Bada Bing!

"I just called my sister to ask her something, and when she asked me if I wanted to talk to the cat and I said no, she goes, “why not? She wants to talk to you...”

I don’t need a guilt trip from my cat."

The Nesticleez & Dell Show will continue to entertain you between bathroom breaks till the day after Tuesday

February One-Liners

Nes's reaction after I explained that my boss was out all week with Epstein-Barr virus, which involves fever, fatigue, inability to concentrate, etc...

Nesticleez: lol, I thought that was called Sunday morning

Roonies: PLANETS MAKE BABIES!!!!!!

Male lead in 27 Dresses: Marriage is entry into the last legal form of slavery.

Tuesday 29th January's Broody Bunch Conversation

A friend announces that he has received his long-awaited exemption from Egypt's army conscription, and has received his new, much smaller, Egyptian passport. Egyptians passports used to be the size of a refrigerator. Apparently, they are now the standard passport size.

Eureka: No way, passports are smaller? Wicked! And mabrouk re: exemption! Glad the navy won't have to pummel you :P

Roonies: The army/military, not the navy you idiot.

Eureka: He would have been in the navy because he's from Alexandria, IDIOT.

Roonies: I will kill you. You make me mad.

Eureka: You bring it upon yourself.

Roonies: Oh! And just so you know, you ASSHOLE, not only do you not do the downloading and make me and nes do it, you ALSO neglect to freaking look up where we stopped. But you have hours and hours and hours to write on your dumb blog. I shall reveal to nes what she needs to download. Actually, I shall reveal it to the WORLD. And, you shall be punished. No shows will be provided to you until further notice.

Eureka: Oh, and let's see you download/swap shows when I have nes's hard drive :P :P

Roonies: I'll walk into your house before you get there and get what is rightfully ours.

Let it be known that my job is a lot more important than yours, ms. "I'm international law/political science but couldn't find a decent paying job so I decided to sell my soul and join the corporate world."

Also, let it be known that your blog used to be funny. Now it’s just lame.

Eureka: It's lame because you've sucked all the fun out of my life. And you sold your soul years before I did, so you can't use that as a jab, loser.

Roonies: It's my passion; it's the path I chose because I love it.

You on the other hand decided to join the bandwagon because you have no soul, because you are useless, because you are bland.

Eureka: The fact that I am able to make this sort of switch shows that I am an intelligent, well-rounded individual. You, on the other hand, are the useless, soulless, bland one because you can't do anything but what has been drilled into your head for 4+ years. Let's see you make a major switch and succeed.

Roonies: Let's see you graduate with three majors less two courses and still say that I can't do anything except what's been drilled into my mind for 4+ years.

Oh, and graduate with a 3.9+.

Eureka: Easy as pie.

Roonies: Keep telling yourself that.

Eureka: Hey, if you could do it my cousin's pet tortoise could.

Roonies: Sucks to know that your cousin's pet tortoise is smarter than you because as I recall you struggled with just the one major.

Eureka: I'd hardly call it struggling. I just preferred to have an active social life. Because there's more to life than hitting the books.

Roonies, no one seems to be paying attention to this… why are we bothering to entertain them?

Rania: I don't know Eurokleez. If we drew our swords right now, no one would care.

Spaz: I would care!
I just didn't want to interrupt the...colorful flow you guys had going.

Roonies: You're the only one Spaz. The others don't give a rat's buttocks. However Eureka and I enjoy our fights.

Eureka: yes we do. False sense of importance and all that.

Roonies: Dead serious about the shows, you dimwit.

Eureka: I'll get on the damn episode check when I have time, nutcase.

Roonies: Already done, asshole.

Eureka: If you're so self-sufficient, why did you make me do the whole writer's strike dates check last week, you peabrained numbskull

Roonies: Because you take advantage of everyone that's around you. This is the least you can do to return alllllll our favors.

And what do I care about the writer's strike dates. You misunderstood. All I needed from you was where we were at. Jerk.

Eureka: If I'm such a leeching burden why are you even my friend? Hypocrite.

Roonies: Who said we were friends asshole? I only speak to you because I love your family.

Eureka: You have my parents' numbers. Why waste your time on the annoying middleman? Speak to them directly and get out of my big fat face.

Roonies: Your big fat face does me a lot of good. It keeps me nice and skinny because I lose my appetite every time I see it.

Eureka: See? You do need me. You also need my big fat belly for your punching exercises.

Roonies: I need to break your big fat knees. I also need to break the uglier knees of your big fat ugly high horse.

Eureka: My knees are actually quite knobbly. However, you may enjoy breaking my big fat femurs. And my bug fat ugly high horse will never break. You will break yourself trying.

Roonies: I don't break, you ignoramus. You underestimate me.

Eureka: My high horse will break you.

Roonies: Your high horse is full of shit. As are you.

Eureka: That must make me and my horse particularly mouthwatering for you, seeing as you live to eat shit.

Roonies: One day you will drown in your own shit.

We break to discuss Brothers and Sisters and Friday Night Lights. After stating we love so-and-so on each show and would definitely go for them if they fixed this and that flaw:

Roonies: Don't think you'd be able to step off your high horse long enough to do that. You'd fall on your big fat face and break your big fat Jewish nose.

Eureka: Hmm... Good point. Although you'd be making a huge upgrade going for a drug addict or a gay man. They're both out of your league.

Roonies: Remind me again, who's been single her whole life?

Eureka: Other than you?

Roonies: That's your idea of a good comeback?

Eureka: That's your idea of an insult in the first place? Since when is being single an insult?

Roonies: No man wants to come near you. They smell your rotten soul miles and miles away.

We then lose interest and pretend to be working.

With Friends Like These...

Six of my friends and I have a little email group, where we keep each other mildly entertained during our tedious working days. Sort of like a breather in the middle of report-writing, a silent laugh during a long meeting – basically, a much needed change of pace in our daily monotony.

However, not everyone is as active as we'd like, so my friend Roonies and I have taken to becoming ring leaders of the laugh parade; we stage elaborate arguments to keep everyone entertained.

We are becoming increasingly stupid, to the point where it would be sacrilegious of me not to share our absurdity with you.
Sunday 27th January, 2008:

After the usual good mornings and what not, Roonies and I begin discussing our favourite subject, T.V. shows:

Eureka: I'm almost finished with Brothers and Sisters. I'm ready to cry at the thought of not having more episodes. Get on it, Roonies.

Roonies: Up your ass Eurekleez. Nesticleez and I don't like the fact that you only download when it suits you or when you feel like it!

Eureka: I don't download. Period. And I won't until you move your ass and buy me a new laptop to download with.

Roonies: Did dumbo magically appear on your laptop?
American gangster?
Grey's?
ONE TREE HILL?

Eureka: American gangster was taken from ak, I didn't download grey's, and Bloft secretly downloaded OTH for me. GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT YOU INCONGRUOUS FLOOZY.

FURTHERMORE, as we seem to be counting, please remember who did a huge chunk of the downloading for a good 18 months before my laptop decided to scream uncle. ME. UNGRATEFUL PIG.

Roonies: I WILL KILLL YOU!
Remember when you had downloaded grey's up until episode nine and were begging me to watch???? Bastard!

Eureka: REMEMBER WHEN THAT WAS BEFORE THE DEMISE OF MY LAPTOP YOU IDIOT? Roonies you need to get your dates and facts straight. Selective memory doesn't suit you.

Roonies: Eureka that was your post-demise laptop phase. Nesticleez will back me up.
It's okay. Me and nes are fine with downloading. Just say it. Say that you use us and abuse us for our internet connections.

Eureka: I do not use and abuse. I greatly appreciate you downloading. Although you'd both be doing it anyway so I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of it Roonies. I never bullied you when I was doing the lion's share. This is what I get huh? For shame Roonies.

Roonies: When did I EVER take things from you, asshole?
You managed to download 12 episodes of six feet under for me. Other than that you hooked Tootsie up. I did all the downloading for myself before. Now it's time for you to get YOUR shit straight.

Eureka: You both took shows from me. You just choose to remember the more recent events. And if you're SOO annoyed then fine, don't download anything. You're starting to show your true colours, and they're ugly.

Petty selfish loser.

Roonies: Erikleez, tell me, what did I EVER take from you. Prior to the show swapping that started this season, I took nothing. NOTHING. Don't confuse me with Tootsie, you bastard.

And just say it, just like you had slaves who drove you around. Now nes and I are your internet slaves. Admit to your almighty high horse. Just admit that you are scum.

Eureka: Roonies. TAKE A POLE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS.

Roonies: You know I'm right.
Don't hate the playa, mothafucka. Hate the game. And you can't play it. get over it. admit it.

Eureka: What are we doing this evening?

Roonies: Nes has an eye appointment. So I don't think anything. Would you like to chill with me in helio, ms scumbag?

Aren't we a lovable bunch?