Letter to the Friend Who Could Have Been

I may not have seen you- really seen you and not the social facade - in years, but I know this will not go unappreciated. I know that even if you don't necessarily want to see or hear anything at this moment, on some level your consciousness craves every remaining gesture of love and human kindness left on this earth. God is not kind or loving today. I cannot know how difficult this must be, but I know that it cannot be anything less than the most difficult moment of your existence.

I pray you will find some comfort in these words, as simple and common as they may be. May you always remember the happy moments, not wallow in the what ifs that will surely haunt you. May you celebrate his life, the life you shared and cherish, not mourn his death. As terrible and untimely as it is. May you stand together in familial solidarity, not dissipate in blame and grief.

I wish you strength, though I do not doubt your courage. I wish you patience, though I do not doubt your steadfast will. I wish you closure, though I know this may not be in your immediate future. But I know your core and I know you will overcome this. I do not know you today, but I know your foundations. I know what made you. I know You.

I believe in who you must have become to be the beacon of strength I watched today. I do not pretend to still be a friend. I know a shared past does not guarantee a shared present or future. Today we are merely acquaintances. But we shared a childhood. We share memories of Nutella sandwiches. We share memories of Sister Act and dancing to Michael Jackson's "Black and White". It was my first time listening to him. I remember how grown up you seemed as you sang deftly along and sashayed to his infectious beat. So adult with your entire day older than my own seven years. They say a day older in age is a year older in maturity. Well, you certainly seemed seventeen, not seven, then. I saw it then.

I saw who you would become. I saw wisdom and intelligence beyond your years. I saw wit and speed I could only dream of possessing. I saw the grace and determination you continue to plow through the world with. I saw the tools you need to survive this. You have the tools to survive this. You will. Never doubt your ability to persevere, to heal, to prosper.

And know that even though time and distance have come between us and robbed us of the friendship that may have been, we share that childhood. I will always be your friend. And I will always be here if you need me.