At first I thought I was Pranjib, the back office presentation/formatting slave for just my department(s). I don't really mind that because I know these presentations are what make-or-break deals at my company. They're the presentations sent to the Board of Directors, used by our CEO at meetings, sent to investors, potential partners, etc... So they have to look as Investment Bank-y as possible and I'm the only person with the patience and anal-retentive need to have everything perfectly aligned and organized. In such situations, I know I am doing my part when I am Pranjib.
But increasingly, I've been reassigned as the shit shoveler company-wide rather than merely within my department(s). It began with reformatting and restructuring presentations for other Directors (see "Mercurial Life", for example). Then it turned into a nationwide conspiracy against my every brain cell. The world seems to be screaming "Die, bitch-ass motherfucking brain cells, DIE!"
Today, I spent a century and a quarter doing some HR chick's job because she was unable (or possibly unwilling) to spend the requisite 15 minutes digesting the message her presentation was supposed to send across and wanted to dump a bunch of random slides together and call it a day. For some inane reason, my boss felt it necessary to volunteer my services. Without consulting me. Without asking directly. He just CC'ed me informing the HR people that I would do the work with their counterpart.
Why in the Lord's Holy name would I be involved in a training proposal? Where in the company directory does it say, "for the copy room, call 1127. For employee account enquires, call Mr. Mohamed Zaki on 1789. For whatever presentation that pops into your head, call Ms. Eureka - aka Pranjib - at 4117."
I mean, is it not enough that I am simultaneously (and SINGLE-HANDEDLY I might add) writing the company's 2009 annual report, handling all my responsibilities, doing an insane amount of research on the legislation and certain industry regulations of a humongous and complicated country along with it's spending plans for that industry, AND carrying other people's slack?
Does all that take a backseat whenever some random person decides they can't handle spending an extra hour or so on their presentation?
Being the joker for my own people is fine. It means I'm flexible enough and a quick enough study to be able to have my hand in several projects and various activities at the same time. It means I'm able to learn more, know more, see and be seen by more. It's the useless, unappreciated, time consuming and mind-numbing auto-volunteering of my services that make me feel like the company prostitute.
Need a blow-job along with that presentation, sir? Just add a 69 at the end of your email's subject line.
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6 comments:
Hahaha...
Firstly, keep up the good work...
It's only because you care.
Secondly, we're now hiring :))
Your back to writing about work, my favorite type of post. I think your company should hire more staff, because writing an entire annual report on your own is just cruel along with the other shit you end up doing that's not in your bloody job description. If not outsource the presentations to a real PRANJIB in India.
The closing line add 69 for a blowjob... well i feel off my chair. Great post, we haven't heard about how the relationship department is going, so maybe you could post about that soon.
hahaah glad you enjoyed that! Relationship dept is non-existent at the moment. You'll hear if anything comes up!
Eureka
I am going exactly through same thing at my job. Bosses apparently think that they hired us to work as their bitches.
By the way there are some company specific toolbars for powerpoint that help alignment, formatting and some other stuff. Ask IT guys at your firm to develop one for you.
I think this is a universal sentiment. My IT folks are more bureaucratic than the Egyptian government. Good luck getting a simple mail request through let alone a whole TOOLBAR!
Oh, sorry for not commenting earlier but thanks for the encouragement, Kaz!
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