I've been asked many times recently about my career aspirations. What is it that I want to do with my life? What career path do I see myself taking? Where do I see myself in whatever number of years?
Prior to graduation, I had all these questions firmly answered. I wanted to go to law school, to become a judge at the ICJ or another equally powerful court, and eventually, I wanted to write the next ground-breaking legal textbook. I wanted to be a legal scholar. I wanted to make a difference in this world.
Sitting here in a financial office now, I wonder what happened to those lofty dreams. Upon graduation, I realized law wasn't the way to go. I didn't really want to leave Cairo anytime soon, and practicing law here isn't an option for me. I'm not fluent in the language; I am not ready to face the challenges of being a triple minority trying to fight her way up.
I find that my interests lie in fields I do not realistically see myself pursuing. I love literature, and I love editing. But I am disenchanted with the publishing industry in Egypt. I'd love to take my chances in New York City or another publishing hub, but I don't see myself living abroad.
Is it fear that is forcing me to hesitate? Possibly. Am I spoiled? If comfort is a form, then yes. I don't mind hard work if it produces results. I do mind the lack of direction I've been struggling with.
I mind the fact that I have yet to find something I am truly passionate about. Yes law and literature engage me, but what is it that I go to bed and wake up thinking about? Where do my true passions lie? What is my calling?
At this point, I feel that a line from Lionel Shriver's We Need to Talk About Kevin describes my status:
"Like most people who did not answer a particular calling from an early age, you placed work beside yourself; any occupation would fill up your day but not your heart."
I hope that is not what I am destined to live with. It would be a shame.
14 years ago
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4 comments:
While a lot of people will tell you that it's way too early for you to worry about this with any seriousness, I think it's good that you're grappling with it. I too was wailing "WHY AM I HERE?" within seconds of graduation, and even before that. I found it helped; my claims that it was bothering me so profoundly forced me to get off my butt and figure it out by fumbling about in different projects, jobs, and even hobbies. And at some point you start to make connections, to see what makes you happy. Which is what's happening now. I'll let you know how it works out.
Spaz you've always been a beacon of hope :D ba7ebik ya zamzameya!
OR you could just get married, have babies and spend all your husband's money. That's what I intend to do. This development job is just a cover for my covert sugar daddy finding mission.
i'm at least a double minority, and i practice law here well enough. my arabic is bad, too. the people at my office regard me with the greatest approbation, too.
i did go to law school abroad, and it was the worst EVER, but i'm really glad i went and it's the reason i have a job now.
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