Your Friendly Neighbourhood News Round-up

Dear Egypt,

I regret to inform you that you are not as inventive in your law-enforcement techniques as you would like - and have led your populace and the rest of the world - to believe.

Yes, yes, I know. Don't look at me like that. It shook me to my very core, too. I'm so sorry to have to be the one to break it to you.

But no, you are not the pioneering mind behind mass arrests.

Once again, you have been thwarted from that honourable position of eminence by our team's QB, the good ol' US of A. Damn Yankees...

Don't look so glum, though! There's some good news! You're still leading in that other race you're in!

YES! You're in the running for gold!

16 more people have perished in yet another ferry accident, totalling about 30 this holiday season.

Feels good to be number one, doesn't it. Don't blush and scuff your shoe on the ground like that, you know you deserve it. Modesty doesn't become you, dear.

Now don't you fret about the whole mass arrest thing. Look on the bright side, Hoover suggested it in 1950, and didn't even go through with it.

So, I guess you still win on a technicality. You're still at it, 57 years later.

You go, girl!

Yours,

Eureka.

P.S. I'd look into setting up a YouTube channel if I were you. Can't have QEII all hip and you still admiring your picture in the newspaper. Get with the times, love.