Note to Self: Never Forget Eyeglasses Anywhere Ever Again

So, I left my eyeglasses at a friend's house the other day.

So what? I thought to myself. My eyesight is fine. I just use them to make reading screens and printed material more comfortable. It's not like I'm blind without them. I'll have no problem going through the day without them.

On second thought, I need them psychologically. They're like my proverbial thinking cap. Without them, something's just off and I can't concentrate. But it's much too late to turn back and drive a half hour (not counting traffic) just to pick them up.

Damn it, I need to dig out those fugly spares.

You know what I mean. Those butt ugly spares you keep hidden in the deepest darkest corner of your desk drawer praying to the Lord Almighty that you will never ever need to be seen anywhere near them in public. Yes, the spares your grandfather insisted on treating you to, only he had to pick them out at his 4000+ year old optician's. The one which still hand crafts those huge rickety wooden or wire metal frames large enough to be mistaken for Jackie O frames with the dark lenses knocked out.

Oh crappity crap crap. This is worse than chemical poo. I can't go to work in these! And they're not even whole! One of the nose pads is missing. Hurrrrruuummpphhh...

To top it all off, they're not even comfortable. I can't wear them for prolonged periods of time (i.e. those 6 or 7 hours I sit staring at chemical poo each day) because the section of the arms that curve around my ears hurt my stitches.

What cockamamie kind of typo is that? You ask, raising an eyebrow in gleeful contempt of my ineptitude. Who has stitches round the backs of their ears?

No, my dear friend, that wasn't a typo. Yes, I had my ears pinned back three and a half years ago. The stitches are still quite sensitive, so please don't box my ears, or punch the side of my head, or aim a tennis ball at the area, because that would hurt. Prior to that beautiful self-esteem saving procedure I was referred to as Dumbo because I could flap my ears and fly.

Although I am much happier with my ears remaining tucked away instead of sticking out through my hair, I must say I miss the free trips around the world. Now I have to pay for airplane tickets. What nerve those airlines have. Huuurrrruummppphhh...