Je Suis Le Fat

I almost posted yet another work rant (and a much deserved rant, I might add), but I had a light bulb moment that I just had to share.

I've figured out the real reason people don't like casts. No one likes to admit it because it is embarrassing. So they make up lots of silly fake excuses like so-called crazy itching that requires an endless supply of rulers to assuage, or atrophied calf muscles that take forever to rehabilitate, or bad skin due to lack of cleaning/breathing. But none of this is true. These are all pretend reasons to hate being in a cast.

I'm not afraid. I will tell you the truth. The real reason people hate casts is weight gain.

When your movement is limited, what do you do to pass the time? You eat. When you are bored and are watching tv, what do you do? You eat. When you've run out of things to watch and are roaming around the house on crutches, what do you do? You visit the kitchen to eat.

And after you do all these things, what do you do? You eat some more.

This has been my modus operandi for the last 12 days. Compound the fact that I ate like Michael Phelps on crack while in London for a month and you can probably imagine about half the weight I've gained this summer. Maybe. If you've got an incredibly overactive imagination. If you don't, then you're still way off. Double that. Yes, now double it again. Now add about 5 more kilo's to that. There you go. That's close-ish.

And glory be, the fates won't ever let me be. The month of binge eating is fast approaching, meaning not only will I still be stuffing my face out of boredom, but I'll be stuffing it 4 or 5 times as often due to the countless iftars (breaking of fast meals) I'll be going to because I'm everyone's token Christian friend. And you know you have to have that token Christian friend at the iftar or else you wouldn't have fulfilled the Ramadan "feed the unfortunate lesser beings" rite.

So expect another ballooning of the Eureka next month. Hopefully I'll have managed to lose some of all this weight by London-time next year. Only to gain it all again. T'is the circle of fat. It moves us all.

Enter Elton John, stage left.