I went out for sohour (late meal to prepare oneself for the following day's fast during Ramadan) with some friends tonight. I carpool with a good friend, whom we shall call Cheb Khaled (he has a thing for Raï). He's been struggling with several girl and job related issues and we tend to use our alone time in the car to talk things out. So far, it's always been about him talking and me reprimanding (and sometimes advising). We've been pretty consistent about this for about 4 months now. In 4 months, I have yet to open up about anything bothering me outside of the superficial work isn't fulfilling enough sort of thing. Cheb Khaled has poured his heart and soul out to me time and again. He's opened up about a difficult break-up, about his ex-girlfriend's immediate rebound, about being held at arm's length by a new girl and how frustrated he feels. He's talked to me about his responsibility towards his father's business versus making it on his own. He's admitted his faults, his fears and his aspirations. I have not.
I haven't told him about how I'm still nursing the year-old wounds of being rebuffed after being pursued by someone who felt like Mr. Right. I'm struggling with my career options and my future. All I know is that I'm underused and unappreciated where I am now. I'm fighting a losing battle in my relationship with my father. We are too alike in so many negative ways that it is nearly impossible to be as close as we should be. I can't stand the way my brother is turning out to be. I can't stand the way I treat him because of my own prejudices. I can't stand the way my mother refuses to try to knock some sense into him. I worry about my mother. I worry that she is fast approaching her wit's end. I cannot deal with her breaking down. We won't survive it as a family because she is the only glue holding us together. I won't be able to deal with a house, unruly teenagers, a sullen and detached father, a 19-month-old and work all at the same time. This house is too cramped for so many people. I need more space and more time for myself.
I need to stop assuming this family will not function without me trying to shoulder some of my mother's burdens. I cannot hold so many grudges against my father, my grandparents and my uncle. All this ill will is only poisoning me further. But after so many years of harboring all this anger and frustration, how can I disperse it? I need to stop assuming Mr. Right will gallop into my living room. But how will I find him if I already know he's gone? I need to stop worrying about what I'm going to do with my life. It will sort itself out. But when?
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When someone opens up to you that much, that means there is a level of trust not to be taken for granted. I can relate your family concerns to my own. All I can say is, make the best of what you can from your relationship with them, even if it is you who will go the extra mile (I know as Mom and Dad, they should be going that mile for you, not the other way around, but parents aren't perfect). So make the best out of it, you may not have as much time as you would like to think. As for Mr. Right, do not trouble yourself. Maybe he was forfeited so that you can meet Mr Right 2.0
let it out eureka. i can tell you from experience that something that once burdened you seems insignificant when shared. and shared with a real person not your laptop. that two-way communication really helps.
screw mr. right. they're all mr. wrongs anyway. and i agree with your friend, he was forfeited so you can meet mr right 2.0
May I also send a shout out to Eureka for introducing me to La Roux, whom I became addicted to from that point. Bless the musical taste Eureka!
Cheers; the twisted templar.
This sounds quite familiar. Hope you can work things out as a family.
Thank you evitana. I think every family has its ups and downs. Hope yours works it all out, too!
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