10 Reasons Why I Should Have Been A Boy

1) The most common comment I get from every girl I know: "If you were a boy I'd so date you". Apparently, I would have made the perfect boyfriend because I know exactly what women want (news to me; I don't even know what I want for lunch today) and how they should be treated. I know what to say to make them feel good about themselves without it being a lie, I know how to make them feel better and give sage advice (sage being the exact opposite of how I'd have reacted, of course), and I unwittingly make them laugh sometimes. Like when I tell them I've had a broken foot for three weeks and hadn't even noticed.

2) ESPN and What Car? Magazine trump E! and People any day.

3) Burping, farting and excreting are the body's method of releasing excess air/gas/waste, not disgusting unmentionable functions. With IBS and FMF, that is the only sane way to look at things.

4) I would have had impeccable taste if I were a boy. I have enough polo's to prove it.

5) The Eureka brain is built like a guy's brain. All logic, no emotions. Emotions are stupid because they don't make sense, so really, there's nothing to talk about. I don't need to discuss why I'm feeling X or Y because you didn't call when you said you did. If you didn't call you must have had a perfectly good reason. No questions asked. And I don't understand why women like to ask a question to which their answer would be the only right answer. I don't want to be trapped into telling you whether you look fat in that skirt or not. You know the answer to that already.

6) I had a broken foot for three weeks and didn't notice, man. Name one girl who wouldn't have declared it a national emergency and insisted on a week's stay at the hospital for chipping her little toe's nail on the pavement. Tough like Rambo. ROAR.

7) Just watch me attack that medium-rare steak. I'd eat it raw if they'd let me.

8) I despise long phone calls. They drive me crazy. Phone calls should be short and to-the-point. 2 minutes is 1 and a half minutes too long. This is my version of what a phone call should be like:

"Hey, what time are we meeting for lunch today?"

"5:50"

"Ok, bye"

Click without waiting for the other person's response.

Now THAT's a phone call.

9) I never remember gossip. I never notice what people are wearing, let alone what season's collection it came from. Hell, I'll be happy if I could remember people's names.

10) If my boobs are any indication, then I would have had a GREAT penis.