"The Lord made Adam, the Lord made Eve, he made ‘em both a little bit naive." - E.Y. Harburg

Every morning, I eat an apple for breakfast in the car on my way to work. This morning, in my grouchy stupor, I open my fridge and reach into the apple drawer, blindly groping for a round, red, succulent apple.

Right then and there, catastrophe.

Lo and behold, there are no apples in the drawer. Some poor unfortunate soul committed the sin of sins and ate the last apple. They ripped away my only source of pleasure during the time of day I despise the most. I had nothing to eat for breakfast. Somebody had to pay.

Fuming, my mind listed the countless forms of torture, cruel, and inhuman punishment I could inflict on the perpetrator.

Should I bind them to the Metro rails and watch giddily as they were shredded by an oncoming train? Should I pull out their toenails with a pair of tweezers? Or maybe dangle their mangled, bleeding bodies over a pool of lunging great whites. Ooooh, waterboarding's another option, and quite appropriate in a region infamous for its creative torture techniques.

In what must have been an intervention from the tummy Gods on behalf of the apple-stealer, I turned around and found a bountiful bunch of beautiful bananas in the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter. The starving tyrant otherwise known as my stomach appeased, my brain slowly revved to life, the squeaking, rusty cogs churning.

With the themes of those ten minutes being apples and sins, it was only natural that my mind move on to think about the origins of sin, Adam and Eve, and the Garden of Eden.

In a nutshell Adam and Eve first sinned when they disobeyed God and ate the forbidden fruit. God incensed, He banished them from the Garden of Eden and forced them to live on the lowly land of planet Earth. From then on, the human race was destined to sin and sin again, stealing my breakfast as I peacefully slumbered.

With all the sins we commit each day, I would love to know just how wracked with guilt Adam and Eve must be. With every act of adultery, murder, theft, etc… I can just see their faces contort, wincing with regret.

Yes Adam and Eve, it is because of YOU and YOUR inability to control your urges that MY apple was eaten by someone else, that Bubba's pretty rainbow mug has mysteriously disappeared from her office kitchen, and that thousands of people may go without a whole season of prime time television because studios won't pay writers a percentage of DVD sales.

Eve would definitely have castrated Adam if she knew that this was what would become of their progeny.