Peeving

I'm a difficult person. It is the Capricorn in me. I'm very set in my ways, and so the only way something is done correctly is if it is done my way. I am the all-knowing and the all-doing-correctlying. So when things aren't going my way, I get pretty annoyed. Today's examples:

1. You know what really turns a girl off? Corny flirting. I love a good flirtation session. Really, I do. And I love prolonged flirtation sessions, like when they last a couple of days via a medley of texting, phonecalls, and face-to-face interaction. But it totally ruins it when a guy is corny. Like when he says, "I'm definitely going to have a good day because you exist in my life now" (and that is disregarding the aggravating grammatical and spelling mistakes. You all need to visit a remedial English class or six). Or when he exaggerates past the point of believability. I know that flirting involves a little fibbing or exaggeration. We girls do it all the time to pump up your fragile male egos. However, a girl can only pretend to believe so much before it just becomes a blatant lie. Like when you say, "You totally changed my life" the very night we met. Boy, we just had a cup of coffee with mutual friends, and we barely even spoke! I didn't give you an earth-shattering scream-inducing heavens-parting blow job. I didn't strip and pole-dance like I was Sally Yoshino. So don't lie to me like I'm a gullible Barbie with oatmeal for brains. Tell me you liked what you saw, that's great. Tell me you had a great time, that's good, too. Don't insult my intelligence. That isn't going to get you any closer to my pants.

2. The Egyptian work day. The Egyptian work day is a phenomenon. It requires you to be at the office on time in the morning, or else you risk not being paid at all for the day, even if you show up a teensy bit late. The day then requires you to sit around all day doing absolutely nothing until 4:50p.m. when you receive a phone call informing you of an urgent task or 19 simultaneous urgent tasks that need to be finished tonight or else we'll all lose our heads. Because our boss is the Queen of Hearts, whose whims must be met with excellence and only what she wants to hear. My boss is a man but you catch my drift. You are thus required to stay in till the wee hours of the morning finishing everything, only to have to be back at the office a couple of hours later. I live 45 minutes away from where I work. So that means I have exactly half an hour at home before I have to return. Ain't the working life grand?

3. The Egyptian executive. This is obviously related to number 2, but dwells on a seperate factor. The Egyptian executive has no notion of human rights whatsoever. If he does, then his only aim in life is to ensure the eradication of all forms of fundamental human rights his underlings have a right to. To the Egyptian executive, these rights are privileges, to be dripped down every millennium as a reward for good slave behaviour and work ethic. The Egyptian executive loves to wait until 4:50p.m. to call his underlings up and assign the task he himself had received at 10a.m. This isn't because the Egyptian executive has no notion of time. On the contrary, he is like a Swiss watch. He calls at 4:50 to the second. Not a moment earlier. Otherwise, the underling wouldn't be packing their bag. It is just that much more fun hearing the underlings squirm as they kiss goodbye their dinner plans and their bubble bath. The Egyptian executive is also uncooperative. He does not provide the information you ask for. He does not fill in the figures you need. He leaves you to rot in your pitiful dungeon on some basement floor attempting to get that damn cash flow to balance, when you don't even have the correct cash figure in the first place. Then he wonders why you're at the office till 10p.m. feeling overworked, underpaid, and not-at-all appreciated. He blames the high turnover rate in the junior corporate team on fickle employees and young women's desire to get married and breed. He doesn't understand that when he says he'll send you the completed financials at 6p.m., you will not call and congratulate him on a job well done when you finally receive his half-assed effort at 8p.m. You will not scratch his left nut for him and kiss his pinky in thanks for employment and his guidance. But you'll still have to kiss his ass and do his every bidding because you are his bitch. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the Egyptian executive. A total doll, right?

These are just a few examples of what my day's been like. I like the concept of a Peeves post. I think I'll do it more often. Until next annoyance, folks!