I love My Job

Monday 7th April, 2008 = the day Eureka wanted to die 17 times. Per minute. All day. It is a wonder I did not actually go through with it. Talk about endurance and discipline.

Let's start from the top, shall we?

On Sunday, my boss decided it was high time we visited one of the chemical poo factories the company owns in order to gather their financials and set up our own reporting system. All good, doesn't sound like too taxing a task. It involved an hour drive each way to Ain Sokhna, which wasn't too big a deal either since the route is smooth and involves catching a glimpse of the Red Sea. We decided to meet up in front of the toll booth exiting Cairo at 10:15am. All is well. So far.

On Monday morning, I arrive at the toll booth as planned. I get a message from Mr. Boss Man saying he will be 20 minutes late. Ok, no problem, I think. I have my book and my iPod and my driver will protect me if someone tries to break into the car. I pick my book and begin to read. I look up 20 minutes later. No sign of Mr. Boss. I receive a text. Will arrive at 11:00. Alright, there must be traffic or something. To be expected as this is Cairo. No worries.

What time does he finally meet me? 11:40. Not so amused at that point.

Finally arrive at the chemical poo factory at 12:30-ish. Haven't seen the sea at all. We aren't close enough to the damn coast. Damn factory area. Nothing but sand with mini wind funnels throwing dust into the air. But hey, at least it's a sunny day and we're not going to be here too long. Thinking this is probably going to end by like 3:30, tops, I begin planning my early afternoon with glee. I think of the rest of the boys at the office and quietly giggle at the thought of them having to look out their windows longingly. I think of the Broody Bunch complaining about it being summer and no tanning opportunities in sight. I think of the pool and how I could easily catch an hour's worth of sun before leaving. I punch the air with my fist in my head, celebrating my little victory against the corporate world.

We walk in and are greeted by the CFO and his cronies. We proceed to endure a 3 hour meeting in which nothing at all of relevance or use was attained. A 3 hour niceties fest of ass kissing and circumlocution. Where are the goddamn financials people?

It is 3:30. We are still here and are far from leaving. Suddenly, the CFO announces it is time for a break. A much needed one in my opinion, but I would have preferref to soldier on and leave early. But whatever, bring on the food, I'm starving. The men disappear, leaving us sitting in silence, twiddling our thumbs. We're thinking fish is on the menu. It's Ain Sokhna after all. What arrives is the box of daily rations given to the factory workers. Beans, bread, cheese and a local version of cola. Oh, yum.

Thank God I thought to pack a sandwich.

We're abandoned for an hour. An hour. Where the hell are these people? I can't get Madonna's voice out of my head. "Time goes by - so slowly..."

FINALLY! The so-called execs are back! They take another hour to photocopy and give a brief summary of the information we came for. At this point, I am no longer able to be civil. I am breaking out in alternating cycles cold sweat that sizzles on my overheating body and is released as steam. Clear indication of the raging inferno of anger, disbelief and disgust I am suppressing. My boss doesn't seem to notice. UGH!

Am I to take this as meaning he won't notice when his 15-year-old starts getting into crack and suffers from withdrawal when he can't get in touch with his dealer? I hope his wife is more observant. Poor kid.

We're out of there at 5:35.

And that, ladies and gents, was the longest, most pointless day of my life. I burnt out three screens writing this out for your amusement because my eyes can't stop shooting death rays whenever I think about that godforsaken trip. Bring this up in my presence at your own peril, for you will be zapped. There will be no ashes to return to your family.