Ice cream Inhalation

How fast do you eat your ice cream? Do you take your time with it or do you wolf it down? If you fall into the latter category, do you experience brain freeze or toothaches or any side effects? If you do, you are normal. If you do not, then you must be my long lost twin. The one my parents had to sell to put my dad through his MBA while we lived in the overheated abyss that is Arizona.

I was sitting with Roonies and a friend of hers today and the friend, let's call her Vinnie, stared at me in awe (I hope it was that and not disgust) as I inhaled my ice cream. Roonies bemusedly proceeded to explain that I am inhuman in my ability to shovel down a quarter-kilo of ice cream in about the same time as she enjoys half of her first scoop. Meaning I can quite easily eat a kilo of ice cream faster than an apparently normal person can finish a normal serving of two scoops.

Roonies likes to make me out to be a freak. Sadly, she is always right.

Roonies and Vinnie are not the only people to notice my ice cream speed-eating. Countless other men and women have witnessed and wondered.

Vinnie asked if I actually could taste it as it flew into my stomach. She asked if I enjoyed it. Hmmm, I wonder...

Would I really be ordering a quarter of a kilo if I didn't?

What can I say? I'm really just Pinkie pretending to be a garbage disposal disguised as a twenty-something pretending to love ice cream. Really, it's all part of an ingenious plan by Brain to once again try to take over the world.

And this time, it'll work.